Monday, December 8, 2014

Living with a Quantum Saloon Part One

Back at the end of the last Millennium (come on... It wasn't THAT long ago!) I produced the Worlds first TV series dedicated to kit cars or custom cars, pre-dating The Cars the Star by a year, and we're STILL the only magazine show to drive and review them.

The kit car market has been squeezed from its diverse heights in the 1980's back to it's strongest sales areas of track day cars and replicas as the major manufacturers have entered more and more niches. So what has become of the practical alternatives the industry used to offer up?

Recently I decided to look at how some of the cars we covered have held up in second hand values, and was shocked when I visited the Quantum Owners Club website to find how cheap the Saloons have become.

Before I go on, you can see our report on the car in part two of this episode (and all the Kits 'n' Cruisin episodes can be found on the Men and Motors youtube channel)

To put this in perspective, Quantum were (and are) at the zenith of the high quality kits lifting the industry reputation and designed with real engineering flair. The saloon was a composite monocoque, essentially replacing the bodyshell of a Mk2 Ford Fiesta with a more stylish and stronger shell that wouldn't rust.

Most saloons benefitted from XR2 running gear, making them quicker than their donors, and a combination of lighter weight and subtle changes to the suspension geometry meant better handling too, while losing none of the practicality of the donor car... In fact the interior re-used the dashboard, seats and door panels from the Fiesta, so you were essentially sitting in a production car interior.

The saloon body added even more strength as well as a bigger boot, so if anything a Quantum is even more practical than the donor Fiesta.

It's aged well too! Look at the car in these photo's... Does it look 19 years old? Most people I have asked in a non scientific straw pole also thought it is worth £5000, £6000 or £7000 yet this engineer built example, with a factory fitted sunroof and interior was for sale on the Quantum Owners Club website for £1,200!

At the same time Robin Hoods, Dutton Pheatons and other two seaters, which don't match the Quantum for quality are selling for £3-5000 because people are looking to kits for track day use, and ignoring the more practical designs.

I was so shocked I told my Father, cursing my luck for not having the funds to buy the car before it probably gets sold, but he too thought it was ridiculously cheap and decided to buy it for himself.

It was always our intention to do running reports on the kits we were building as the series went on, but it wasn't to be, so this I suppose is my chance to put that right, and we really are putting our money where our mouths are... or at least the old fella is.... For now, I am an interested if slightly guilty bystander.

The club put us in touch with the owners son, who was very concerned about finding the right owner for the car. Once satisfied with my Kits 'n' Cruisin credentials, he put me in touch with his father and I in turn introduced my father and they arranged a test drive.

It was then that Alan, who built this excellent example explained that recently some younger car "enthusiasts" had started buying these rare kit cars to scrap them and use the mechanicles to restore Fiestas!!! I commented along the lines of they probably go into art galleries with Stanley knives too!

He also seemed relieved that we genuinely loved the car, and the deal was done, and today I went back to collect the car for the old man.

First impressions back up my memories of the car. These things are much stronger than most steel monocoque cars due to their composite construction (70% stiffer per KG than steel) and you can feel that rigidity on the road. It's hard to explain, but you just feel it.

The CVH engine, which was always a gruff little engine growls through a sports exhaust, and compared to a modern hatch with so much sound deadening material you can barely hear anything you do realise you're in a car from another era. The same applies to the gearbox and non assisted steering, but I prefer the latter anyway because this car really does communicate through the helm like no modern hatch does.

You can still hold a conversation inside, and if you wanted you could always fit sound deadening material yourself. I like the car as it is personally.

It feels completely stable in cross winds, and trucks fail to blow this featherweight off line too, so you really could enjoy a long run, although adults would feel a bit claustrophobic in the back.

I was under strict instructions from owners old and new to take it easy as the car had not been run much recently, so I really did take it easy, and stuck to motorways. I rarely ventured past 65 miles an hour except to overtake fueding artic's, and I noticed the car came together and settled down even more around 70-ish. As time goes on I could comment more, but all the signs are good for this rust free classic kit to last another 19+ years with us!

So every so often I will post an update on living with the Quantum, to show that there really is no reason why it wouldn't make a good alternative to a family wanting a strong, safe and distinctive car. I have also asked Alan, who built the car to write a guest blog on what it had been like living with it for the first 19 years.

Watch this space and you never know there may be more announcements to come... The number of looks the car got driving back... IF I put my Amazon author page on the side.... Hmmm I need to think carefully how I could sell that idea to the old fella haha!

Follow me
@NeilWinnington on Twitter

Thursday, November 27, 2014

News... Press release... Law Commission recommendation to criminalise parental unlawful retention

Unfortunately the British media failed to pick up on this extremely important piece of news, which comes too late to save Emily, but would have made a huge difference at the time...

Here's the press release from Reunite International. After you read it I shall explain how it might have helped bring Emily home, it may even have changed the perceptions during the court case where I failed to prevent Emily's mother from taking her from the UK...

Press Release

Reunite International Child Abduction Centre welcomes the Law Commission’s recommendation to criminalise parental child abduction by retention.

Over the last 18 months, reunite, our Legal Working Group and our All Party Parliamentary Group on Child Abduction, have been consulting with the government to make wrongful retention a criminal offence, prosecutable and punishable on the same basis as abduction by removal, and the Law Commission's recommendations are a huge step forward in bringing about a change to legislation.

reunite's statistics indicate that approximately 40 per cent of all abduction cases are in fact wrongful retentions; ie where a parent takes a child overseas with the other parent's consent (or in accordance with a court order) but subsequently refuses to allow the child to return home at the end of the agreed or authorised period.

Whilst abduction by removal is a criminal offence, abduction by retention is not and so a large number of left-behind parents have no recourse to the criminal process or the assistance of the police, and statutory authorities are not necessarily empowered to act as they can in abduction cases.

reunite believes the impact on children and left-behind parents in a retention case is no less, nor any less deserving of criminal process, than where there is a removal.  Parental child abduction, whether by removal or retention, is recognised as a form of child abuse and causes real harm to children who potentially suffer great emotional trauma by suddenly being ripped away from all they know and being denied contact with their left-behind parent and extended family.  As the law stands at present, children who are retained outside of the UK are not offered the level of protection afforded to children in other abusive situations.

So how would this have changed things in Emily's case...?

Emily's mother strung the court along for months after the deadline of December 2008 for Emily's return to the UK with letters claiming either she or Emily were too ill to travel, and kept me from going to Russia to collect Emily and bring her home by saying "I can't guarantee Emily will be here when you come..." and "I won't sign a letter giving you permission to take Emily out of Russia..." and "I won't give you copies of our Marriage certificate and Emily's birth certificate so you cannot get a British passport for her, and I won't give you her Russian passport!"

Yet in April 2009 I got a phone call from her, saying she was coming to the house I was renting to collect possessions with the boyfriend soldier who broke us up (She later told me he had been terrified I'd found out he'd been given a promotion ban by the army and re-posted abroad for targeting married women for sport) so I rushed home and immediately called the police... refusing them entry to the house, after having received threats from him and because they'd abducted Emily.

The police arrived after they did, and she said her boyfriend had paid for her to travel for a two week holiday with him alone as a birthday present (I'll let you draw your own conclusions why and what he wanted) but that Emily couldn't come because she was "...too sick in hospital!"

Obviously my first reaction was that she was lying, and the second that if Emily was in Hospital what the hell was she doing coming for a sex holiday with him???

Anyway the police accepted their claim and told me they couldn't arrest her or her boyfriend (Who'd driven them to the airport and contributed to and encouraged the abduction) because she'd been given permission to take Emily on "Holiday" and that it was a case of unlawful retention and not a clear cut abduction...

They escorted her into the house, which I was to shortly lose having just been made redundant, which I'd explained to her, but when I wasn't looking she not only took clothes for her and Emily, but also went into a draw and took one of my old payslips, which she later used to claim in a Russian court that she should get half my wages. My claim that I'd lost my job fell on closed ears and they not only stopped me being allowed access, but stripped me of my parental rights, after which there has been no contact and no help from the FCO or anyone other than Reunite International.

You can see for yourself how if this change comes into law it would save another child, or at least allow prosecution of the perpetrators...

Chief Executive Officer of reunite, Alison Shalaby, said:

"In the interests of children, left-behind parents, and of justice, there could and should be a change to legislation so that all left-behind parents have access to the assistance of the police, the criminal process and statutory authorities to ensure the swift resolution of cases of wrongful retention.  

"We would like to thank Sir John Stanley MP and Stephen Timms MP, Co-Chairs of the All Party Parliamentary Group on Child Abduction, for supporting our efforts to change legislation.  We will continue working together to ensure the Law Commission's recommendations are advanced by the government and legislation is changed to better support abducted children and left-behind parents."

Stephen Timms MP, Co-Chair of the All Party Parliamentary Group on Child Abduction said:

"Our concern around this anomaly in legislation comes in the context of a very marked increase in the number of cases of international parental child abduction in recent years.  There should be equality of treatment for what is essentially a serious criminal offence striking at the heart of family life, and in the individual interest of the left-behind parents and abducted children who are victims of retention."

I would like to thank Alison and the Reunite team for their tireless efforts to help we parents going through this nightmare, and more importantly our children who suffer so much. I would also like to thank Stephen Timms MP and the All Party Parliamentary Group on Child Abduction, and ask, PLEASE let this be but a first step. There is a long way still to go!

Please share links to this blog to everyone you know, and please support Reunite International, and write by all means to the All Party Parliamentary Group on Child Abduction to show that these children matter. They are our most vulnerable citizens yet our most forgotten.

Send your support
I have been working to leave a paper trail for Emily as well as trying to raise money for Reunite International. There are several ways to support both these endevours...

Please visit listen to Emily's song and watch the videos to find out more... The song can be bought from Amazon or I-Tunes by simply searching for Emily's Song by Sam Blue, and with enough dowloads we can start raising money at last for Reunite...

During December 2014 I will donate 50p for every paperback copy of my comedy novel Religious Pursuits bought during the month... here's a link to order your copy.

Every single share of these links, visit and download makes a huge difference
Thank You

Neil Winnington
@reuniteemily on Twitter 

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Secret Santa's Indie Book Giveaway and Orchard Book Club Authors Event

Now here's something I am very proud to be part of... 70 Authors (So far) have donated 79 titles as a free giveaway to some very lucky readers, and a copy of my very own Religious Pursuits is part of the package...

Here is a list of the authors contributing so far...
Taylor Ann Bunker - Witch In The Woods
Donald Wilson II - Cross Roads
Rose Montague - Jade
Colleen Gareau - Sam(uel) and My Mother's Summer Vacations
Mika Jolie - The Scale (Martha's Way Series)
C.K. Dawn - Cloak of Shadows
Wesley Morrison - Let No False Angels
D.M. Cain - A Chronicle of Chaos
Suzanne McKenna Link - Saving Toby
Ash Krafton - Bleeding Hearts
Peggy M. McAloon - Elle Burton and the Secret Portals
Ksenia Anske - Irkadura
Dylan J. Morgan - The Dead Lands
Kristen Mott - Odie the Stray Kitten
A.S. Washington & De'Quan Foster's - The Twelve
Adam Dreece - The Yellow Hoods: Along Came a Wolf (Book 1)
Lori Crane - Oaktibbee Creek
Lori Lesko - Copyright
Johanna Harness - Spillworthy
J.S. Snow - Redemption
Mikey Campling - Trespass The Darkeningstone
M.J. Fahy - The Magpie King
Neil Winnington - Religious Pursuits
C.J. Morrow - The Finder
Danielle Prophet - The Opposite Of Gravity
Robin MartinDuttmann - Zoo on the Moon
Rochelle Campbell - Fury From Hell
Christina McMullen - Going Green
Paul David Chambers - Manners Cost Everything
Clara Grace Walker - Gratification, Gossip and Redemption
W.M. Calloway - The Xenton Chronicles
Christy Heron - Unrequited
Josephine O'Brien - Shared Skies
Mark Victor Young - Once Were Friends
Patrena Miller - She's Not Worthy and The Road
M.E. Walker - The Finding
HJ Lawson - War Kids
Elizabeth Guizzetti - Other Systems
Jo Bissell - Beyond the Reach of Judgement
Suzette Brown - Alzheimer's Through My Mothers Eyes
Kirby Howell - Autumn In The City Of Angels
Michelle A.Picarella - Livian
Jessica Keller - Saving Yesterday
Elena Sandovici - Dogs With Bagels
K. M. Herkes - Controlled Descent
A.T. Russell - Sacred Puppies
David P Perlmutter - Wrong Place Wrong Time
Jennifer Gibson - Sway, Compass and Destiny
Kory M. Shrum - Dying for a Living and Dying by the Hour
Adrienne Thompson - Your Love is King
Pete Buckley - The Colonel of Krasnoyarsk
Chess Desalls - Travel Glasses
Ed Ireland - The Last Ranger of Sarn & Blood Moon Sacrifice

Not a bad list, I am sure you'll agree and sure to rise...
How do you enter? Easy. Just click on this link, log on using your Facebook account and you're entered...

As if the spirit of good cheer wasn't enough, I will also be attending the Orchard book Club's author event in March, along with 30 other authors ready to sign copies of our books and in the evening there is a meal and a ball. I shall have copies of my books on my table of course, as well as these T-Shirts and other merchandise...
...There's a version of the t-shirt without the red hearts too haha...

Links to buy tickets are here

If you bring a copy of any of my books (or those by I. T. Heurtze) I will sign your book and give you a 10% discount on all the other books on my table as well as the T-Shirts.

I look forward to seeing you all and don't forget to follow me on Twitter @NeilWinnington

Monday, November 10, 2014

The British Economy and EC situation explained… Sort of…

David Cameroon and George Osgood were old school friends who inherited a business called UK.Con. They were also members of a business club called the EU that their friends didn’t like, so to look clever to their friends they would keep having tantrums in club meetings and threatening to take their toys away, which made them very unpopular with all the other club members.

Once upon a time the family business used to make things that people could use, and an ancient ancestor enrolled the business in the European club so they could sell more of these things to other club members. Before they joined they asked all their friends if they should, and everyone agreed it was a good idea.

David’s Great Grandmother Maggie didn’t like the club much, because the other members didn’t always agree with her and she hated anyone who disagreed with her. The only people she hated more than the stuffy old men who ran the club were her own workers, so she decided to sack all her manufacturing workers and change the family firm into a financial business selling dodgy financial products to her friends and other club members.

Realising that the stupid bitch was planning to take away competition from their own manufacturing businesses the club members agreed to give her business a rebate on her membership fee if she promised NEVER to make anything useful again… and Maggie thought this was a wonderful thing and told all her friends she had tricked the stuffy old men in the club!

Maggie was happy because she didn’t have to deal with workers anymore, and by giving money to her friends she made sure she bought their loyalty long after she finished ruining the business.

When her favourite son took over the family business after all her other kids said they didn’t love her any more things got so bad that the workers collective who used to represent the factory workers Maggie used to employ briefly took over the company from Maggie’s greedy family, but they realised that the company was making plenty of money selling dodgy financial products, so they didn’t bother starting to make useful things again.

After they started fighting among themselves they became indistinguishable from Maggie’s family, and someone somewhere noticed the Emperor wasn’t wearing any clothes, and also that the company had a massive pyramid selling scheme that had no real money to pay everyone if they asked for their money back… Everyone asked for their money back!

Maggie’s family, now led by David Cameroon seized their chance to take over the company, and set about telling everyone the previous management had really mucked things up, even though their own family had invented the very pyramid scheme that had bankrupted the company.

In order to make some more friends Cameroon and Osgood told everyone that the very workers Maggie had made redundant were stealing money from the company, and that because of them and their representatives who’d lost all that money all the poor people couldn’t have money at all, so the rich people could have even more.

They argued that rich people getting richer would give money to the poorer poor if they learned to dance and jump very high. Unfortunately the very poor who were disabled couldn’t jump at all, but Cameroon and Osgood said they were all pretending, so they came up with a scheme where disabled people who learned to jump could earn money and all the rest would have their money taken away to be given to the rich!

In spite of the efforts to demonise the poor, some of Cameroon and Osgood’s friends got even greedier, and wanted to leave the club and keep other club members out of their garden. This put pressure on Cameroon to stop playing nicely at the club, so he took all his toys home and stopped being nice. The other club members carried on playing without him, and said he couldn’t play games if he wasn’t going to play nicely any more.

The club members were playing monopoly and noticed that Cameroon and Osgood had been doing a bit better than them, and because the club rules said that everyone shared their pocket money they presented Cameroon and Osgood with a bill, pointing to the rules of the club that Osgood and Cameroon hadn’t bothered reading.

Cameroon spat out his dummy and told all his friends he wouldn’t pay, and that he would throw stones at the other club members until they gave up! Not being very good at throwing though Cameroon only managed to smash up his own greenhouse, so he sent Osgood to beg the other club members to not take all their pocket money away.

Osgood being such a nasty little creep who’d upset everyone in the club even more than Cameroon, stood no chance and the club members said there’s no way he could get what he wanted, so Osgood burst into tears saying that everyone hated him.

He made such a pathetic spectacle, that the club offered to give George the rebate the family business had received ever since Maggie closed her factories a little earlier to help him out… so long as he stopped snivelling. They also said he could pay the bill in two installments to give him time to find some more poor people to rob.

The rebate was half of the bill they’d been given and Osgood made an even bigger spectacle of himself by bursting into tears and promising never to be such a prick again.

However, being the slimy little shit that he was he called Cameroon and they told ALL their friends Osgood had negotiated to pay half the original bill and had gone into the club and beat everyone up!

One day Cameroon and Osgood, Maggie and their dodgy financial products will really finish off their company, but too many of their friends are lining their pockets to care, and the Emperor is still walking around naked!

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

My Guest – Eva Compton-Snort in “Meet my Main(ish) Character” Blog Tour

My guest this week is Eva Compton-Snort, one of the main characters in my comedy novel Religious Pursuits.

I was tagged by my friend and fellow author Scarlett Flame in a little game called…

Meet My Main Character Blog Tour

The rules are simple...
…The taggee must write a post answering the same seven questions about their main character… then the taggee becomes the tagger and nominates five other authors… Sort of like a chain letter with the potential to become a global virus. (hmmm not sure about that last bit… but…)

Rather than be predictable I thought I would introduce you to Eva, who was originally planned to be a peripheral character, but such was her personality she ended up becoming a pivotal character as the book developed…

…So now, meet Eva Compton Snort.

1, Tell us a little about this main character. Is she fictional or a historic person?
The thought of Eva being a historic character is quite frankly scary, but thankfully she is entirely fictitious.

With Religious Pursuits being set in a village I needed a village gossip, but to make her more interesting, so I gave Eva a wartime back story which went a long way toward developing her character, strong will and desire to get what she wants with ruthless efficiency, yet looking all the while like a harmless old lady.

2, When and Where is the story set?
The story is set sometime in the late 1970’s or early 1980’s in a fictional village in Devon.

It could have been anywhere in Britain, the main ingredients I wanted in my village being the policeman, vicar or reverend, village gossip, poacher and at least one randy couple having lots of affairs. All things I’ve noticed in villages I’ve lived in.

3, What should we know about her?
We do see two very different Eva’s in the book. Always ruthless, but a change of circumstances in her youth could have given us a very different Eva by the time our main story begins. I really like young Eva, and feel a great deal of sympathy for older Eva. You need to decide for yourself, but she has a lot of fans among my readers.

4, What is the main conflict? What messes up her life?
It is Eva’s unusual thought processes and strange logic that leads to her mis-interpreting events happening around her. Her natural reaction is to assume the outside attention drawn into the village by other events is the net closing in on her. The efforts to find out for sure and to cover her tracks as she sees it are her undoing, but Eva never goes down without a fight.

As I alluded to earlier though, we discover that past events give us a lot of reasons to have sympathy for her. A few twists of fate change everything set the scene for Eva to take centre stage once more as the book reaches its dramatic and funny climax!

5, What is her personal goal?
Eva is naturally suspicious and has a desire to know everyone else’s business, largely to make sure her own secrets remain just that. In the village this is relatively straightforward, but as the story develops and outsiders invade her space Eva’s tactics backfire spectacularly and create some of the funniest scenes in the book.

She is a survivor more than anything, and she has learned the hard way that in order to protect herself she has to make personal sacrifices and to keep people at arms length, yet fate could have dealt her very different cards to play with.

6, What are the titles of your novels, and where can we read more about them?
If I’m strictly accurate, Religious Pursuits is the only completed novel I have published. Here is a run down of my titles to date…

Religious Pursuits: Comedy Novel (Paperback/Kindle)

Bollywood Nights: Erotic Romance Novella (Ebook)

Ages of Sin Erotic Anthology

You can find these books on my Amazon authors page at the following link…

or look out for my pen name I. T. Heurtze for more erotica

Wicked Perspectives- Volume One Erotic Anthology

The Young Wife         Erotic Novella

They can be found at the following Amazon authors page…

I am currently co-writing a new Erotic Romance novel set in Rio de Janeiro called Luciana.

After that will come a road trip erotic story followed by a new comedy.

7, When can we expect your next book to be published?
I am writing Luciana and am about one third of the way into it, so I would say it will be released after The Orchard Book Club (@OrchardBookClub on Twitter) book signing event I am attending in Peterborough on March 14th 2015.

...Now for the bit where I get to nominate five other authors... All very supportive and worthy of a closer look by readers...

The first is a very charming man. He even writes under the Charming Man title and can be found on Twitter @charmingxman and

The second is a very supportive Author, who has already achieved deserved success and comes highly recommended, not least by me. Charity Parkerson can be found on Twitter @CharityParkerso and

Another extremely supportive author is Maria Savva @Maria_Savva who does so much to support others as well as being a very talented writer in her own right.

Jake Malden @JakeMalden1 has again been very supportive in promoting other authors he has also been gaining a following for his erotic titles. You can find his blog at

Last but by no means least is Pippa May @pantsdownabbey who is definitely the author to follow if you like your bodices ripped and historic shenanigans. You can find her blog at and she comes highly recommended.

As you will already know from my answers earlier I am attending the Orchard Book Club book signing event on March 13th. I shall be blogging details very soon, so keep following my blogs for that, and later I will announce some exclusive merchandise available only at the event!

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Cycle fit the MAN’s way!

A lot of people join a gym to get fit. They go along to a session, and see people who have been going longer doing rather better than them. There’s a pervading aroma of sweat and the machines look like torture devices rejected by the Spanish inquisition! There are running machines and cycle machines that give you a spectacular view of other sweaty people in pain, a brick wall, or through a window at a scene that never moves!

Personally that is boring and somewhat pointless, expensive too! I also don’t see the point of buying a bike and then mounting it on a car to go somewhere to ride. Your mode of transport IS the bike, so use it to go somewhere worth going. Your destination is your reward!

Having said that I am going to take my getting fit VERY seriously and here is my guide to a MAN’s way to get fit!

First of all, avoid running, unless you’re playing football… and I mean proper football, where the ball is round and not shaped like a handbag. The clue is in the name of the game, so use your feet not your hands!

Running for leisure is a fast way to damaged knees and ankles and an early heart attack. Only run if someone is chasing you, or you are slightly late for your train. Otherwise get a bike, it’s more civilised, ask the Chinese. 

If you’re going to cycle to get fit, don’t go for a fashionable racing bike with a razor blade for a saddle. That is both expensive and makes you look silly. As does lycra clothing, which never looks good with a gut, or on anyone over 30!

Get a proper heavy bike, after all, you’re trying to get fit, so work a bit harder! Wear normal clothing and sweat properly! Sweating is good. It’s nature’s way of shedding weight and keeping annoying people away from you! It also proves you’ve been working hard to suspicious loved ones who think you just ride down to the pub.

If you want to take this a step further, make your own underwear from bin liners! I am modelling bin liner long johns and long sleeved vest top in this pic. I also put elastic bands on the sleeve and legs to collect my sweat. It also helps if you find yourself caught short on a ride and can’t find a public lavatory. 

(The pained expression is what it technically known as saddle sore, although I now recommend others actually fit their saddles before setting off, which can reduce the need for this expression as well!)

I empty it all into a bucket when I get home and water the garden with my own body fluids. You may find your flower beds dying back a bit and your veg tasting a bit odd, but they are resilient buggers and will grow back eventually!

I intend to start riding in steel toe-capped boots and with a heavy coat to improve my sweat production. I intend to add a set of proper mudguards and a carrier so I can add lead filled saddle bags to make it a REAL man’s bike!

You might wish to start dragging a car tyre behind you too, to prove you’re a real man! By the way running is permitted on a beach if you’re wearing bin liners and dragging a car tyre behind you. Terry Yorath used to do that and he produced Gabby, so proof, if any were needed, that bin liners are the way to go!

 Now a lot of people will tell you to watch your diet or to drink energy drinks… Rubbish! Real men have a plate full of grease and if you follow my exercise regime you’ll soon burn off the calories. Drink lots of sugary fizz too! The extra buzz will give you all the energy you need and burping is manly!

How far should you ride? It depends on how serious you are about getting fit. Five miles is a decent ride and if you aim for a country pub you can stay for a few pints and the bin liner underwear will make it look like you’ve been riding all day, and the smell will ensure you’re not bothered by anyone!

I go 12 miles each way to Chester and back, which is a proper man’s ride because there are hills and other things to impress people about when you get home. Of course, you could put on your bin liner underwear and ride one mile to and from your nearest station to go the same distance. 

I shall keep you all updated on my fitness regime on my Twitter account @NeilWinnington, and look forward to comments from other manly men who are following my MAN’s guide to fitness!

Thursday, May 22, 2014

My Writing Process Blog Tour

I have to confess to being somewhat remiss when it comes to not posting enough blogs of late. In my defence I have been busy with writing books, so when Scarlett Flame nominated me for this Blog Tour I felt it a good chance to catch up with you all...

...So here goes with the questions...

1) What am I working on?
Well I recently published two books. Bollywood Nights is a story set behind the scenes in the Indian film industry, telling of the erotic love story when a Bollywood Star meets an English writer. It is my first book published through House of Erotica and you can check out the book at these links;


The other recent release is a re-branding of my existing Wicked Perspectives by I. T. Heurtze complete with the addition of samples and links from other talented writers (including those mentioned elsewhere in this blog) with a cover photo by featuring the perfectly perfect model Tillie

...but that wasn't the question... I am currently writing two more books. An erotic romance set in Rio called Luciana, follows the life and loves of Luciana and her friends. I am co-writing this with the incredible Amanda China (Pictured below and utterly stunning!), who has helped me make this book an incredibly realistic portrayal of life for a beautiful girl in Rio de Janeiro.

My second upcoming book is set closer to home. Called the Road Trip, it follows the adventures of two models on a road trip... Original that isn't, but the locations are real and I am writing it especially for two very special friends.

If that isn't enough I am planning to follow that with a long overdue second comedy novel so Religious Pursuits doesn't sit so lonely among my titles.

2) How does it differ from others of its genre?
I do not consciously try to differ from anyone else. I always try to write my erotica from the perspective of my readers, who are predominantly female and with the comedy I strive to entertain with a few surprising twists to keep readers on their toes.

Most of all I always try to ensure there is a real story that readers can engage with, and characters they can identify with as well!

3)Why do I write what I do?
The comedy I write for my own pleasure. I enjoy the challenge of coming up with an entertaining plot and taking my readers on an enjoyable journey. Laughter is the very best remedy out there, so if I can make people feel good then I have achieved something positive.

I guess the same goes for my erotica. Although it started with private requests from female friends and led to more and more suggestions to publish... I hope I find a loyal following who will enjoy my erotica as well as a following for my comedy.

4) How does my writing process work?
My writing process differs between short and longer stories as well as the different genres. 

All of us feel there is a novel waiting to come out, but the challenge for many is to take the leap from short story to a full and engaging novel. I too undertook this journey when I wrote Religious Pursuits, and my solution has stood me well for the novellas and novels I have worked on since.

I begin with what I call the spine of the book. Main characters, and the journey they will take from the beginning to end of the book form the spine, although other influences can change the direction the book will take, as happened with Religious Pursuits.

To the spine we add a rib cage of peripheral characters. All with their own backgrounds and personalities. They will react and mingle within the main plot, while adding their own stories and distractions to the plot.

By adding detail and dialogue you are adding the flesh to the story, and a little twist or mis-direction gives the plot some limbs to run with. In essence that is how I set about writing my novels.

I hope this little blog has brought a little insight into my writing World. You can see my books at my two authors pages...

...I now get to nominate three more writers, and am going to break the rules by nominating four. 

Emma J. Styles has written a wonderfully frank and engrossing account of real life swinging in Paris, and it is all the more erotic and wonderful for being true. Her blog can be found at

Charming man is a talented writer and a big support to other writers as well

My third Nominee is an Angel who is anything but as bad as I'd love her to be, but she is a talented writer worth checking out

My naughty fourth nominee is a wonderful friend whose blog is the stuff of erotic dreams for those curious about alternative lifestyles Marie will certainly open your eyes.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Ida T. Heurtze~The Criminal Mastermind

Ida was arrested for failing to resist arrest in the small principality of Anglesey following an International man hunt due to no-one quite believing that a creature looking like Ida hadn’t started life at some point as a man of some variety.

Her list of crimes were numerous, not least her writing, but her brief dalliance with Hollywood had ended quickly after a steamy affair with a movie director had caused mayhem as he turned his back on Hollywood and turned instead to producing porn.

Ida appeared in several specialist porn productions. There was nothing specifically specialist intended, but the vomiting by several previously considered hardcore male porn stars upon being forced with cattle prods to do the business with her started a whole new genre of extreme hardcore pornography.

With a strike among male performers bringing her new career to an end Ida suddenly found herself on the CIA most wanted list after a copy of her book “The Young Wife” (Available now from Amazon as paperback or a kindle book) found it’s way into the typing pool and quickly became a favourite among the staff there.

Ida found out when she received a letter from her publisher informing her she was on a CIA wanted list and she escaped by tunnel back to Europe where she was discovered years later in a Chip shop she’d opened on the Costa Del Crime in a Village called Spain, where the people sleep during the day and speak with an English accent known as Cockinie.

She had been implicated in various crimes by this point not least a claim that hundreds of innocent Cod had been battered by her in the chip shop while in Spain and that she had acquired the despicable Cockinie accent.

She was also believed to be the mastermind behind an armed robbery in which several hundred shop window mannequins belonging to St Michael of the Marks and Spencer diocese stored in a warehouse had their left arms stolen and a ransom note sent to George Osgood who was well known for buying his stockings and suspenders there.

He had merely passed the note on to his girlfriend David Cameroon who had more of an interest in their blouses as George’s fetish was purely in lingerie unaffected by the loss of one arm during his frequent visits to a correctional facility run by a certain Madame Le Whiplash in the exotic city of Bognor.

Fearing the end of his matching lacy bra and knicker sets as well as the short dresses that masked his gut so well, Cameroon got his gang together for a crisis meeting with an exotic code name of Rattle Snake to make them feel more important than a group of posh public schoolboys has any right to.

After bearing and touching their right nipple rings they sat round the table to discuss the crisis and the head of the Metropolitan police fund agreed to put Ida at the top of his most wanted list, although he had second thoughts once presented with a photo of the miscreant.

Meanwhile the border controls, army and border police were put on high alert, with the added incentive that the photo taken in secret by Osgood in their public school dorm that fateful night when they experimented with alternative sexuality with Buntie’s Labrador Sissy might find its way into the public domain.

The meeting finished with everyone present agreed that Osgood was just as big a shit as he had been when they used him as their fag at school.

As it turned out Ida surfaced in London after an altercation on Eurostar brought the police to escort her off the train. She had been en route back to Nark after the bottom fell out of the chip shop business with the Spanish evicting their British immigrants as a response to Britain’s UKIP and Con parties working so hard to be unfriendly and spitting their dummies out in Europe.

The trial saw a media scrum and with the aristocratic elite baying for blood it was inevitable that Ida would be found guilty and sent down for 135 years, which as anyone familiar with the British penal system will tell you equated to three weeks behind bars in a low security prison.

She emerged to a rapturous media reception, and her conviction was later quashed when it was revealed that she couldn’t have sent the ransom note because it had a postmark stamped in The United States of Cleethorpes!

With the apologies and a compensation cheque from the court, she returned to Nark by first class postcard to rekindle her romance with a German Shepard dog called Albert!

Please do check out the other titles I have published including my comedy novel, Religious Pursuits by Neil Winnington which can all be found on Amazon.

Religious Pursuits
By Neil Winnington
ISBN 1470071347

Sergeant Goode is close to his retirement, a situation irritating him enough before a young pen pusher without any respect for village life had been sent to get to know the local patch.

When his girlfriend falls fatally during a row, blind panic sets in and Goode makes a hasty exit, triggering a sequence of events which would see a simple accident become the centre of a major police investigation quickly spiralling out of control.

Starting with a detective sergeant with a desire to prove his theory that all serious crime can be closely linked to the occult, the villagers, all hiding secrets of varying degrees set up a fake occult meeting complete with a frozen chicken as the animal sacrifice.

With a discredited former tabloid journalist, hungry to find the big story that would bring him back into the Fleet Street fold, a village gossip with a murky war-time secret desperate to hide her true identity, and a group of investigators, sent to discredit the local Reverend and protect the church’s reputation, all combined to escalate the situation further, this sleepy Devon village soon becomes the centre of a national media scandal.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, a hostage situation draws in even more police, and even a squad of soldiers led by a battle hungry sergeant with a massive chip on his shoulder, and the story takes on a final twist, before culminating in a car chase like no other and a cliff hanger end

Available now in Paperback from...

You may also want to visit my author’s page or for those of an English accent

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Eroticon14 Meet and Greet

Hi folks... I will be attending my first Eroticon conference for Erotic writers and bloggers in March and have been asked to do a question and answer session by way of an introduction to myself, so here goes...

What's your name?
Neil Winnington
What are you most looking forward to about Eroticon 2014?

A chance to meet fellow writers I may have only chatted to on Twitter, but also to swap notes on experiences both publishing and with self marketing... I am also looking forward to attending some of the seminars being organised throughout the weekend.

What are you most nervous of about Eroticon 2014?

I think I am more worried about what people will make of me than the other way round. I am slow to judge anyone but myself, and often spend a long time chastising myself over verbal gaffs that the recipients often forget about instantly... I am generally a friendly outgoing person, and look forward to meeting everyone.

What do you hope to get from Eroticon 2014?

Mostly it is the aforementioned exchange of marketing and publishing experience... I am trying some new ideas myself which may help other writers too, so it would be just as nice to help someone else as to receive a pearl of wisdom... I am sure the events of the weekend will inspire me too. I do after all practice what I preach lol.

What is your bad erotica writer's pen name?

It would appear I am Xylaphonia Rubik... Pleased to meet you lol

Whats your bad erotica writers name

Friday, January 3, 2014

General Compton Smyth and the Pea Shooter Brigade… Part Four

The secret meeting in the village hall gave the angry population of Aver Wallop a chance to compare notes and air their suspicions over the strange events since the smallholding just outside the village was occupied by the strange group of soldiers.

Beyond co-incidence and suspicion there was no real evidence to link the baby boom, randy dogs and choking fits leading to amorous behaviour with the strange band of squaddies, led by the little Sergeant, but the fact that somehow they were always in the vicinity when all these incidents happened made it far more than mere coincidence.

It was decided that the smallholding and its occupants should be watched a little more closely, with a later meeting scheduled to discuss their findings.

The opportunity to act came sooner than expected, as privates Davison and Adams boisterously entered the pub where the meeting was breaking up, having been given leave for the evening.

The young farmers, still smarting from their humiliation a couple of months earlier knew exactly what to do, and made a point of befriending the interlopers. They assured their new friends that the real men of the village proved themselves in a sort of rights of passage by drinking the local speciality, Abbott’s Reserve. A particularly potent local ale which only had its high alcohol content as a selling point, being revolting in flavour and odour as well!

A few pints later and the two squaddies were, to say the least inebriated and comfortable enough with the company and surroundings to be brazen enough to ask where a young soldier might venture to find girls… or to be more precise, prostitutes?

This was music to the ears of the young farmers who all agreed that the lady the soldiers needed to meet was called Dolly. She was very special in these parts, and according to the farmers, very much part of the rights of passage the squaddies would need to undergo to truly be welcomed into the community.

It was agreed that the new boys needed a few more pints of Abbot’s Reserve to be ready for Dolly, which only excited the randy boys even more!

The extra dosage of Abbot’s did bring a confession from the soldiers about the secret training they were undergoing, and their regret for the mayhem caused at the tug of war, although their laughter at the memories of the way Sergeant Grimm fixed the result were met with smiles through gritted teeth by the farmers saddled with an extra mouth to feed as a result of the baby boom the prank had led to.

At last the villagers’ suspicions were confirmed, and now it was time to take the barely conscious squaddies to meet Dolly.

The farmers bundled the young members of Her Majesty’s finest into the back of a Land Rover, tying their wrists and ankles to ensure they didn’t sober up and find a way to escape.

Upon reaching a dark wet farmyard, with driving rain hampering the operation, the young farmers dragged the soldiers into an out building where Dolly stood tethered and chewing on some hay, unaware of the role she was about to play in the fate of two young lads.

The squaddies were stripped to their underwear and in the confusion no-one bothered asking Dolly’s owner how come his sheep came with stockings and suspenders. They were too busy moving Private Davison and Private Adams into various incriminating poses.

Unfortunately the farmers hadn’t counted on Private Adams’ rather robust constitution, and while their captors were busy manhandling his colleague Adams managed to untie himself and escape into the driving rain.

He managed to evade the pursuing mob, and ran out the back of the farm into the fields beyond. Unfortunately his navigation skills didn’t match his ability to escape, and slowed by the driving rain, poor visibility and shivering from the lack of clothing, he wandered aimlessly in circles.

This completely messed up the plans of the farmers, who had planned to dump their captives outside the smallholding where they’d been billeted, but by the time they’d tied Private Davison up and found the crying Adams staggering in the lower field just before dawn, all they could do was tie the squaddies together with old sacks over their heads.

A heated discussion laced with talk of throat cutting for the benefit of the scared captives then ensued before they were once again roughly manhandled into the back of a Land Rover and driven away.

Sympathy for the fate of his charges was not forthcoming from Sergeant Grimm, who was fuming at the two soldiers being AOL at roll call. The others were sent out in teams of two to search for the pair, while he set out into the village to re-trace their steps.

The locals were unusually and suspiciously guarded in their response to questions, but Grimm was able to get confirmation that the two boys had been drinking heavily and were last seen staggering out of the pub. According to the landlord, he didn’t see them go, but was sure they’d left on their own.

With the search parties around the village drawing a blank, the sergeant was absolutely livid, and planning the punishments for the two little shits when he got his hands on them.

It turned out the opportunity would come sooner than he thought, as a police car drew up alongside him as he marched back through the high street. After confirming descriptions of the missing men he was invited to get in as the amused constables set off to investigate a report of two near naked men found in the car park of a transport café some miles from Aver Wallop.

As the giggling truckers surrounding the hapless pair parted with the approach of two policemen and a purple faced army sergeant the pathetic pair were revealed, sat up and tied together wearing nothing but their boxer shorts. Worse still and much to the amusement of everyone but Grimm and his charges they were surrounded by pictures of them in various compromising poses with a sheep dressed up in suspenders and stockings.

Even Grimm realised that the two were victims of a serious prank, and his fury moved from the idiots who’d let themselves get into such a mess to the villagers who were clearly complicit in the act…

…The battle of Aver Wallop had truly begun.

Please do check out the other titles I have published including my comedy novel, Religious Pursuits by Neil Winnington which can all be found on Amazon.

Religious Pursuits
By Neil Winnington
ISBN 1470071347

Sergeant Goode is close to his retirement, a situation irritating him enough before a young pen pusher without any respect for village life had been sent to get to know the local patch.

When his girlfriend falls fatally during a row, blind panic sets in and Goode makes a hasty exit, triggering a sequence of events which would see a simple accident become the centre of a major police investigation quickly spiralling out of control.

Starting with a detective sergeant with a desire to prove his theory that all serious crime can be closely linked to the occult, the villagers, all hiding secrets of varying degrees set up a fake occult meeting complete with a frozen chicken as the animal sacrifice.

With a discredited former tabloid journalist, hungry to find the big story that would bring him back into the Fleet Street fold, a village gossip with a murky war-time secret desperate to hide her true identity, and a group of investigators, sent to discredit the local Reverend and protect the church’s reputation, all combined to escalate the situation further, this sleepy Devon village soon becomes the centre of a national media scandal.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, a hostage situation draws in even more police, and even a squad of soldiers led by a battle hungry sergeant with a massive chip on his shoulder, and the story takes on a final twist, before culminating in a car chase like no other and a cliff hanger end

Available now in Paperback from...

You may also want to visit my author’s page